1.09.2008

I don't have it. He does.

I had to go out on a home visit at the end of the day. I was caught up in the office with various things and did not leave the office until dusk. I drove and drove and the road disappeared and I found myself driving on a muddy dirt pathway. I kept driving. I saw nothing but woods and the dirt road. No houses, no people, no stores. I finally saw a house, standing alone and falling apart. I slowed down to see the address and found that it was not the house I was looking for. There was a dark narrow path next to the house and I took that road. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw headlights far behind me. I was being followed. I drove faster. The path was bumpy, full of hills and turns and fallen trees. It was a long drive. The sun had set. I finally arrived at a huge house. Dark and lonely. I parked my car and went inside. It was dark and sticky in that house. Evil and blackness and fear. Shades of gray and black and cold fear in my stomach. As I was in the old dark house a man walked in and went to the back of the house. After a few minutes, the man left. I followed. I ran out of the house, fear taking over. I was crying and choking and I was so afraid. The man got in his pickup truck and drove away, back down the windy narrow dark pathway. I got in my car and fumbled with my keys, trying to hurry and follow the man. My car was stuck in the mud. I panicked. My breathing was quick, my heart was speeding. It was dark and I could barely see. No lights. I put the car in Drive and I walked out in the mud in a rush to push my car, scared that someone would come out of the old dark house and kill me. I gave the car a nudge and it moved. I ran to jump in the car and follow the man. The man was gone. I drove on the narrow dark pathway and I couldn’t see. Then I saw the pick up truck far away and I followed it. The truck turned and the light was gone. My car had headlights but I could not see. It was pitch black but I drove anyway. I was more afraid of what was behind me than the dangers of driving in the woods without seeing the road. I saw the truck again and when I saw the truck I saw light. The path was longer this time and I kept following the man in the pickup truck with the light. I would lose him over hills and on turns, but I would find him again. I was afraid, but I was breathing again. I drove and I followed. The man slowed down and parked next to the first house I had seen. Without knowing why, I parked as well. I parked and I got out of my car. The man came to me and hugged me. His hair dark and curly. His arms big and strong. His sweater soft and gray. I never felt so safe in my life. I never saw his face.


I dreamed a dream last night. Tell me what you think it means.

6 comments:

TIP TOP said...

wow eri...i read this like a novel. i was so enraptured by it. my heart beat a bit faster too.

i don't know what it means, but that is some scary stuff.

jamila said...

oh eri, this is sooo good. i ate it up!
i see this as:
you are called to be places you may not want be and once you're on your way you may be startled and scared away but you continue. you may not knw why you were sent there but sometimes it just to see if we will in fact go. the path ans the light are the same but manifested in a different way. like the path more vague but easier to follow.or like his words, his will for you? not always perfectly clear but it was there.
the headlights were more direct yea? like and as long as you follow the one who's always guided you, you'll be cool.
the man: jesus? he didn't get out b4 cuz maybe he knew you'd go the opposite way? he went to the back of the house to check on you and make sure you were fine...??
when you returned to what was vaguely familiar and less creepy he let himself be known to comfort you when you needed it the most to let you know everything was ok.

this is all crazy speculation but i loooove this dreaming business it's like a convo with jesus in a way i feel or like one of his parables or.... dunno i love it!

i konw you have thoughts post them daughta!

i like this dream cuz not everything's not always so honky dory. life with jesus is mad scary sometimes. and this proves true. but stick in there and he'll reveal himself. is this how the prophets started? awesome yet creepy dreams. what if he gives you like messages in dreams all the time. i loooove!

Ben Child said...

eri...wow.

i think jamila is on it when she says "life with jesus is mad scary sometimes".

i know dreams are dreams and can be interpretted many ways, but i almost wanna say that it's your internal-self wanting to give you more confidence. because being brave and going to the scary unknown is so hard. but like jamila (and your dream) says, with that protection and guiding lights...its all good. even if you don't know exactly where your driving.

VJM said...

that is sooo weird... i wonder what it means....

karen said...

i read this the other night but forgot to comment on it because my heart was pounding so hard in fear. i'm so glad you included the last line or i would've told you to quit your job. i really appreciate what you said. thanks eri :)

Jael said...

yo! I ate this shit up!