i took a class called death and dying a few years ago at andrews. it was a very interesting class, to say the least. every time the class met we discussed a different aspect of death. the death of loved ones, clients (for social work), and our own death as well. the most awkward thing about that class is that we had to write our own eulogy and epitaph and then read it to the class. i don't even remember what i wrote... i only remember it was extremely difficult to think about and come up with something i felt was good. in that class i had to read tuesdays with morrie. this is a very good book and if you havent read it, you must... at some point. its quite short and a fast read. well, i'm very glad i read that book... and i'm glad i took that class, especially because of the seemingly quick approaching death of my grandfather.
my grandpa has Parkinson's Disease. he's had it for many years now, and its getting pretty bad. he's in his 80's and though he still has in mind very much intact, his body does not respond to his minds commands more and more. and it will only get worse.
lately he's been saying that he is praying a lot about his death. he says that he is asking god that death come in his sleep at home and that he will never have to enter a hospital. my mom was telling me about some forms that the family is trying to get notarized so that if my grandpa has some kind of emergency at home and the ambulance is called, that the paramedics will not resuscitate him and take him to the hospital and connect him to life support. only because that is how he wants it, and prolonging life like that is only more painful for the family to drag it out... and for the patient as well. i get it. i can process the information. but thats my grandpa...
i was over at his house last week and we were talking. i asked him if he and my grandma were planning on going to colombia again for the winter months. he looked at me and told me that he was planning and hoping for a different kind of trip.
i'm glad to know my grandpa is so comfortable with the idea of his own death. i guess i just wasnt prepared to hear him speak of it as if it will happen before the year is over. i want to be comfortable with death as well... i dont want to fear it. i get worried about how my mom and her sisters and brother will fair through the whole ordeal... i worry about what will happen to my grandma... and i worry about many things. but theres no need to worry... and death is natural. why am i so uncomfortable with it?
well... this whole thing has been on my mind a lot lately. then today i just found out that an old friends grandfather died this morning... i knew him well. and its just weird, how life is.. time. i don't know.... but the whole topic has me thinking...
my conclusion? i'm gonna go hang out with papa a bit more... i still have a lot to learn, he's got so many stories to tell me... and there's no time to waste.
5 comments:
I love these words! I was raised by my grandparents for much of my life and now they are both gone as well. Death in this world is natural, but we weren't created to deal with it so theres this HUGE conflict. Several weeks before my grandpa died i came up with a list of questions silly some serious and got an old cassette tape player and recorded the whole interview! To now play it and hear his voice means so much to me, and to hear this man that i looked up to so much share his weakness and trust in the Lord made me see how much he is like me, I make stupid mistakes, i have dreams, i have good love stories, its truly amazing, i recommend it.
You'll know what to do when the time comes. Just remember that with life comes death. . .
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emos, do what tommy said. that's amazing. What your grandpa said about the different kind of trip brought tears to my eyes. that takes to much faith to say that. wow. i have nothing else to day
tommy is the bestest and you are the bravest to seriously visit the ideas to prepare for the end. (sigh) I've only heard few things about your papa but they are always the coolest. again do what tomby said and I'm sure he'll have the stories and life lessons to last you a life time. i'm proud of you not. everyone would face this with such grace and determination to make the best of this for the both of you! ya'll afanadors is pretty awesomBe!
I think you should absolutely soak up some grampa time. My grandpa used to wake up at 5am in India and sing hymns by himself and pray while the sun came up. I remember thinking next time I came to India I would record his voice, but I never got a chance to go back. You might never forget his voice, but wouldn't it be awesome for other people (and your kids) to hear him? Somebody told me that all of that praying in the morning was for all of us (there's a lot of "us"). I feel so lucky that I had a cool gramps like that and I can never forget him.
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